HelmsmanEnsign Lack entered the Bridge of the Enterprise NX-01 to take over the Helm for his shift.
Travis Maywheather stood up for him: "There you go, it's all yours."
Lack sat down: "Yes!" He was excited because this would be his second time at the Helm of Enterprise.
Captain Archer entered the Bridge and took a seat in his chair, sipping his coffee.
Lack turned around: "Great day to be exploring space, eh Captain?" He made conversation.
Archer: "Uhh... yes. Yes it is... umm..." He opted for his name.
Lack: "Ensign Lack, sir! It is a pleasure working for you, the man to usher in a new era for mankind."
Archer just chuckles at that notion.
Lack: "I mean, you're the greatest man to ever live! How does that feel?"
Archer: "Well I wouldn't---"
Lack: "Did you know that there are girls on the ship who have posters of you up on their wall? ---And there's this new religious group on Earth that's praising you as their all powerful God?"
Archer: "No, I didn't---"
Lack: "Hey would you adopt me as the child you never had!?"
Archer: "Listen, Ensign. Why don't you just turn around and fly the ship?"
Lack: "Yes sir!" He turns around.
This is so great, he thinks as he taps at buttons.
Lack: "Captain! We're under attack from a Klingon Ship!"
Archer, stands up: "Battlestations!"
Lack: "Aahahahah! Just kidding. I wanted to see how you'd react."
Archer just looks at him.
Lack: "Hahaha! You should see the look on your face.
Archer continues to stare at him, angry.
Lack: "Yeah, that's the one. Hahahaha!"
Archer, walks over: "That's it. You're confined to Quarters!"
Lack: "Hahaha! That's a good one!"
Archer grabs him, picking him up to his feet: "I mean it, Ensign!"
Lack: "Huh? You're not joking, are you?"
Archer: "I hardly think so... Ensign!"
Lack: "But, I thought we were getting along so well?"
Archer: "Frankly, I find you a nuisance, and you shouldn't be flying a Starship. I don't even know how you got through the Academy!"
Lack, starts crying: "Why are you so mean?? I thought you were such a nice guy. I have posters of you in my Quarters... and a shrine, and everything---"
Archer: "Just go!!" He shoves him along.
Lack just walks with his head down towards the turbolift, feeling sad.
Archer glances at Hoshi, who doesn't approve of his behaviour. Archer glances down and then back at Lack before he enters the turbolift.
Archer: "Wait... I'm... sorry I yelled at you."
Lack runs over and hugs Archer in happiness: "I knew it! Thanks Captain!"
Archer, pushes him away: "Let go of me!"
Lack, is happy again: "I knew it Captain. You're not mean... Oh my God." He points to a corner of the Bridge. "It's a cloaked Suliban!"
Archer turns around: "Where!?" Archer finds nothing back there.
Lack: "Aaahahaha! I got you again! Hahaha!"
Archer shoves Lack along and into the turbolift: "Get going!"
The turbolift doors close, with Lack confused: "Captain?"
Archer turns around and heads for his chair, rubbing his forehead. He suddenly bumps into Lack.
Archer: "Aahh! How did you get there--?"
Lack: "Jeez, Captain. You look like you've got a really bad headache. Let me help you to your chair."
He tries helping the Captain along, who just struggles to not touch him.
Archer: "I can get to my own chair!" Archer takes a seat. "Will you please just leave the Bridge?"
Lack: "Alright. But I'm not leaving until someone else takes over the Helm."
Archer: "I'll take over the Helm."
Lack: "You have a headache. You can't."
Archer: "No, I'm fine, really." Archer gets up and goes over to the Helm. "See? Just go. Heh, heh. Don't worry about it."
Lack: "Alright..." Lack watches the Captain suspiciously while walking towards the turbolift doors.
Archer makes sure Lack has left on the turbolift this time. He turns to look back at the Helm controls, a little confused.
Reed: "Are you okay sir?"
Archer: "Yeah. I just can't believe that guy. I thought I picked every crewmember carefully before we left spacedock." He tries messing with the controls.
Lack: "No! What are you doing!?"
Archer finds Lack standing behind him: "Aahh!!" He jumps.
Lack: "That's not how you use the Helm!"
Archer: "How'd you--!?"
Lack: "Captain!? Are you stressed again? Do you want me to get you wet towel for that forehead?" He starts massaging Archer's shoulders.
Archer gets up quickly: "No! Listen, you just take the Helm. I'm-- going--- to my Quarters. I'll confine myself. You have the Bridge, Trip."
Trip takes the Captain's chair slowly and confused, watching Archer make a run for the tubolift.
Lack: "Poor guy. It must be all the hero worship."
Lack just takes the Helm.
Ensign Lack entered the Bridge of first Enterprise. He had a padd to give to Kirk.
Kirk: "Thank you, Ensign."
Starfleet was a great career plan, as his grandfather before him served aboard the first experimental Starship Enterprise, he himself desired the same direction to be in space.
Lack: "You're welcome, Captain. Is there anything I can get you?"
Kirk: "No, thank you."
Lack turned to walk away, but stopped as he noticed a switch that was not right, at the Helm. He flicked it.
Sulu: "What do you think you are doing!?"
Lack: "Sorry, sir! But that just had to be flipped."
Kirk, sat up: "Thank you, Ensign. You may leave the Bridge now."
Lack, nods: "As you wish, sir."
Spock was peering through his goggle monitor when he suddenly noticed Lack was standing beside him: "May I help you, Ensign?"
Lack: "Sir, the energy output from that scanner is too high. You could get a tumor!"
Spock: "I do not believe so, Ensign. Vulcans are highly resilient against this type of energy output."
Lack: "Hey, you're a Vulcan? That is so cool!"
Kirk gets up: "Ensign! Leave the Bridge immediately."
Lack: "Captain! Did you know that he was a Vulcan? I can't believe it! And here I just thought his ears were deformed from birth. --My cousin Tracy had that same problem."
Kirk, walks over: "I don't care. I gave you a direct order."
Lack: "Alright, alright. At least you're not ragging on my decision to be in space."
Kirk: "I don't care! Leave. Now!"
Lack: "You don't care? ...I spent five years at the Academy. I put so much work into being on the Enterprise."
He starts crying.
Lack: "It's all a waste!"
Kirk: "Err... At attention, Ensign!!"
Lack stands up straight.
Kirk: "You will not cry on the Enterprise. That is a direct order! You will feel better and you will not think all your effort is a waste!"
Lack, flicks the last tear out his eye: "Thank you Captain."
Kirk takes his seat: "Now if you must stay on the Bridge, then please just don't cry."
Lack: "Yes sir!"
He goes over to the Captain's side, where McCoy usually stands. McCoy walks over: "What the hell? This is my spot!"
Lack: "Sorry, Doctor, the Captain depends on my help now."
McCoy, yells at Kirk: "I treat your motion sickness and this is what I get!?"
He leaves in anger.
Lieutenant Lack entered the Bridge of the USS Enterprise-D with Geordi. He had become a spacefarring Federation Officer as his grandfather before him.
Picard: "What are you smiling on about?"
Lack: "Nothing sir..."
He keeps smiling.
Picard: "What is it?"
Lack, gives in: "Spacefarring, sometimes I think of spacefarting. Haha! That's so funny."
The viewscreen showed a Planet. The Enterprise was working with it, to stop flocks of parasites from taking over.
Worf: "Captain. If we emit a low-band fanned phaser beam along the surface. That should terminate the parasites."
Picard: "Geordi, you and Lieutenant Lack get to work on the stabilizing field."
Geordi: "Yes, Captain."
Lack: "Oh, I already did it."
Riker: "You've already completed the stabilizing procedure?"
Lack: "Yeah, I did it at lunch."
Data, turns around in his chair: "An adjustment of that magnitude would take several hours."
Lack: "Whatever Data. You're just an Android."
Picard: "I beg your pardon?"
Lack: "Haha! Just kidding. You know me and Data are best buds."
Data: "I do not recall ever spending any leisure time with you."
Lack: "Well, I was going to get around to it. Hey you wanna go for a holodeck game? Sherlock Holmes? I can teach you about the concept of laughter."
Picard: "Mr. Lack, you are wasting our time with this pointless drivel."
Riker: "Please leave the Bridge. I want to speak to you after."
Lack: "You know, you don't have to be his servant. You can think for yourself Commander."
Riker: "Excuse me?"
Lack leans near Troi's seat: "So... you doing anything tonight?"
Troi: "Actually, I am."
Lack: "Maybe you and me could... do a little counseling?"
Troi: "I said, I was busy."
Lack: "Oh sorry about that."
The Enterprise continues its beam across the Planet. But Lack sits at the back of the Bridge, playing Solitare on the computer.
Lack: "Yes! I won!!"
Worf, walks over: "You were asked to leave the Bridge."
Lack: "Yeah... but... I won?"
Worf picks Lack up and shoves him into the Turbolift.
Lack: "I'll see you later best bud, Data!"
The doors close on him.
Data just looks around confused: "Curious... Spacefarting?"
written by Hawku